Go Compare

Everyone has dreams, and everyone has ambitions, and everyone wants to be true to those dreams and ambitions but there comes a time when you have to question how likely you achieving those dreams and ambitions are.

For example, if you’ve dreamt all your life of being an actor but have had relatively little success – then the sign that you’ll never make it is when you find yourself playing an opera singer singing about a car insurance website.

Seriously. Give up. The dream is over. You’re a fucking joke and a disgrace to your profession. Even if you were to be offered a lead role in a major motion picture this is the one thing that will come back to haunt you, and it will be curse your career.

You’re never going to be a proper actor, you’ll never be rewarded by applause and you’ll never have fans. No-one will ever think you brilliant and Heat magazine will never interview you. Give up. Get a job at a charity and work hard repaying the debt you owe society for inflicting this shit on us.

I’ll come on to the rest of these awful price comparison site adverts in due time, but I don’t mind saying that I would gladly pay on average £250 extra for my car insurance if it meant that I never had to sit through one of these goddamn things again.

UPDATE

It turns out that this hideous creation is performed by bona fide opera singer Wynne Evans which makes it even sadder – before it was just some washed-up ham actor, but now he’s a guy of allegedly some repute. Quite why you’d sell yourself, your integrity and your artform up the river to advertise a fucking car insurance website is beyond me, but I guess he felt he wasn’t being laughed at enough by the operatic world and really needed something to drive home that image of mediocrity, stupidity and counter-productive cliche.

“Hey Wynne, you’re a classically trained and highly respected opera singer who (according to your website) has performed all over the globe with most of the leading figures from the opera world… fancy losing that image in one fell swoop by adhering to all the cliches of your art form and rerecording an operatic classic as a fleeting plug for another fucking useless website? There’s a little bit of cash in it for you.“

“Yeah, alright. I had a load of respect as an artist before – but fuck it. Do I get to wear a stupid moustache, annoy the public and further the impression of opera as a hackneyed and irritating art form to the general non-opera going public?”

“Of course.”

“Count me in.”

Of course this advert isn’t helped by the fact it’s produced by Sian Vickers and Chris Wilkins – the same people who made the Sheila’s Wheels xenathons – clearly continuing their ‘theme’ of lazy national stereotypes. What next, a William Tell lookalike doing a comedy song about Zurich Pensions, perhaps, or maybe some ghetto kids r-r-rapping about how good it feels to be insured by Aviva…?