Delaware Judge grants restraining order in case of Doe v. Kash

MILFORD, DE – Haunted for weeks by the constant feeling of being watched, a Delaware man who wishes to remain anonymous was granted a restraining order against his accused stalker, a small stack of money bearing a pair of large googly eyes. The defendant, who has an estimated value of about $260 and operates under the alias “Kash”, was caught repeatedly in police surveillance of the home and office of the man identified in court documents as “John Doe.” Described by the defendant as “relentless,” and “unforgiving”, Kash made a habit of staring blankly at Doe through windows, doorways, and even across rooms from inside Doe’s own home, partially obscured by furniture or potted plants.

“I don’t care what they say on the commercials, that little guy is creepy.” Said Doe’s wife, in recently released courtroom testimony. “Sure, it’s…I mean….is it a he or a she? Whatever…it’s just trying to show us how much money we could be saving by changing our car insurance, but couldn’t it just call us or send us an e-mail or something?”  Doe’s wife added that Kash’s repeated invasions of the couple’s bedroom were what finally motivated the costly lawsuit.

Reporters recently caught up with Kash at a park, where he was seated presumably just beyond the 500ft. range of Doe ordered by the courts. Armed with a small telescope, he seemed to be carrying on his surveillance at a distance.

Kash was completely unresponsive to reporters’ questions, a fact most experts attribute to his lack of brain and mouth.