Brandy, etc

I have discovered Brandy.

Wow.

I’d had the occasional glass, after a cheeky frame of snooker at the East India Club, but I’d never spent an evening drinking it straight, until a few nights ago. I hit a whole new kingdom of drunkenness. And the best thing about it was, the best thing, was that at no point in the entire night did I even think about my phone. One simply doesn’t Drink & Dial on Brandy. I was perfectly happy sitting there, with my mate, aware that I was slurring my words, finding the funny side of it, and debating whether or not Jaffa Cakes are cakes or biscuits. It never occurred to me to text an old flame asking them what they were up to, or to phone a girl I’m interested in to tell them how fabulous they are.

Unfortunately, it does also provide one of the worst available hangovers known to man. It strikes me as a fairly stubborn drink: As in, ‘Ha! Pathetic Stomach Acids! You’ll never dissolve me!”. And thus, for a few hours the next morning, post waking, I was drunk. Not tipsy, not “ooop! I can still feel the alcohol” – drunk. Fortunately this did provide me with an excuse to have a fucking massive McDonald’s.

My phone has stopped working, because the rain soaked through my jeans and killed it.

I’VE GOT MY CAR BACK! This is a big deal for me, because I’ve been lucky enough to have been driving since a few weeks after my 17th birthday, and therefore when I couldn’t afford the insurance last August and my poor little Polo had to take a back seat in the driveway I was gutted. It’s a luxury, of course it’s a luxury, but it’s a sort of necessity when all your friends live 30 miles away and there are no trains or buses heading that way. But, due to my call centre adventures (did I tell you I got the job proper? I was on trial shifts, you know) I now have the moulah to insure it. Of course, as soon as I did, I discovered I needed two new tyres. This provided me with an excuse to go to Costco and get a slice of their incredible pizzas.

Jan Moir, what a cunt!

I have been writing this blog to try and get into the habit of writing things down which I think are funny. This, combined with inspiration from this and this, has resulted in a new series, written by me, called ‘Resting’. It’s a comedy drama about out of work actors, and it’ll star REAL LIFE out of work actors from my year at LAMDA. It’ll be an accurate, observational look at what we get up to, from failed audition to failed audition.

I’ve taken the scenes down because I was reprimanded for doing so by a savvy media guy. If you want to read them, find me on facebook and I’ll happily show you them.